enabling vs. helping

How can we know if we are being enabling or if we are being helpful to the people in our life? What is the difference? Sometimes there can be a thin line between the two. First, a definition - what is enabling? Enabling is a pattern of relating where you are doing for others what they need to be doing for themselves. Enabling is stunting another person's growth.

Helping vs. enabling...some questions to think about... Is your "helping" taking consequences away from another? Are you taking on responsibility that is not yours? For example, parents who consistently cover up their children's mistakes. Without consequences, children do not learn from their mistakes; they do not learn how to take personal responsibility or how to do things for themselves.

Another question: What are you getting out of your helping? Is it so you do not have to suffer? Is it about protecting your image? Is it to ward off guilt? Do you act out of fear of losing a relationship?

A final question: What is best for this person in the long run? There is no reason for someone to change if they are not required to. They are not required to change if you are enabling the damaging or unhealthy behavior to continue by cleaning up after the mess they leave behind. If someone is coming behind and sweeping up the "broken glass" they have left behind, one, they never have to face what they have done because the broken peices are no longer there as evidence, and two, they never have to deal with it relationally when the broken glass cuts into your feet or the feet of others.

Enabling vs. helping: It is not an easy distinction. There are no black and white answers and every case will be individual. How about you? What do you think the differences are?