Reverse Psychology

I am constantly amazed by the work that I do...do not take that in a conceited way. I am amazed that I get the opportunity to sit with others and explore the dark and murky paths of life, the mountaintop joys and the in between--the gloaming, as the Irish used to put it. It is in that sitting alongside, across from, that I get to dispense not advice, but myself, and have it received well...what a healing experience for myself, and I hope for the other who sits across from me. I often have the feeling that the person in my office was put there for My good, as well as their own. That somehow, God has orchestrated this meeting for maximum benefit of all involved. That as I challenge and encourage this individual, my own heart is growing and being challenged alongside. How cool is that calling? I have sometimes felt dark feelings for the work that I do, that I somehow am living out a punishment for not listening better in math class in 8th grade, and so I am left with this profession. But today I was reminded of the incredible redemption that is available to me in this work of mine. It is a good day.

Telling Stories

Stories are all around us – in the books we read, the movies we watch, the music we listen to. We are drawn to stories that have particular themes we can relate to. It helps us not feel so alone. We have our own stories to tell, each one of us... war stories, love stories, life stories, birth stories, death stories, etc. We are filled with stories about who we are, about our past, about our relationships. Some stories we want to forget; others we want to always remember; others we just keep repeating and repeating whether we want to or not. Our stories are meant to be told. Telling stories is healing. It helps us feel connected to one another. It helps us learn about ourselves and others. We tell our stories to invite others to know us more deeply; to help us gain more awareness and insight into who we are, where we've come from and where we're heading. Our stories change as we age. How we view life as a child will be different than how we view it as a teenager or as an adult. Therefore we will tell our stories differently through time.

Just as our life can't always be neatly wrapped in a box, the stories of our lives can sometimes be messy, unorganized, unexplained, unredeemed... thus far. Our stories began before we were born and continue on through those we leave behind when we die. We are not done with our stories... we are in process. Our stories change, as we are changed.

Who needs to hear your stories today? Who do you want to invite to hear more of their story?

When you aren't having such a "happy holidays"

Tis the season to be jolly, happy and merry but for a lot of people the holidays are a very difficult time. You may be grieving the loss of a loved one, or struggling with loneliness or broken relationships. There isn't a lot of holiday music, ornaments, or christmas greeting cards that acknowledge this reality. It's okay if you aren't in the Christmas spirit. Pretending that you are will only hinder your healing process. You don't have to have a Christmas tree or decorate your house (unless these things could bring you some comfort rather than exhaust you). You can say no to invitations to Christmas parties. And yet, it may be detrimental for you to isolate yourself. Find a trusted friend or loved one to be real with. You may have to be upfront and tell them what you are needing - a hug, a listening ear, an afternoon away from the kids to see a movie or browse through a bookstore, etc. And then, let safe people be there for you. Start a journal. Rest and take care of yourself. You aren't alone. There is hope. There will be healing. This too is a season.

Issues of trust

Do you have a hard time trusting others? Does this interfere with your relationships? Perhaps you've been hurt by others who you've trusted in the past and as a result you made a vow to yourself (consciously or unconsciously) that never again will you allow yourself to trust. Maybe it's hard to actually follow through with this because we want so much to be able to trust and rest in relationship with others. Or maybe we've hardened our hearts and are constantly at war in our relationships because we struggle to trust. Perhaps we struggle with trust because the person we put our trust in is simply not trustworthy and yet we keep coming back and back hoping this time things will be different and we'll be safe to trust.

Putting our trust in others leaves us vulnerable. That vulnerability opens up painful feelings that we would prefer not to feel. If we don't trust, we say to ourselves, we don't have to hurt when that trust is broken. However living this philosophy often leaves us lonely and tired.

We need to be wise about who we will trust. There truly are people who are not trustworthy. Perhaps the issue to wrestle with is not so much can I trust others but can I trust myself - can I trust myself to know who is trustworthy and who is not? Can I trust myself not to put myself in relationships/situations that only lead to my harm?

What do you think? How do you struggle with the issue of trust?

Happy News

Rob and Jenna Deckert are happy to announce that they are having a baby boy this summer! Jenna is 5 months pregnant and feeling great. She will continue to see clients until June and then will be off on maternity leave.

Congrats to the Deckerts!

Ten Facts About Eating Disorders

1. Eating disorders are not about food.

2. Your relationship with food will mirror your relationship with others.

3. An eating disorder is a desperate attempt to find control in a world (outside of you and within you) that is filled with chaos.

4. An eating disorder is a flee from pleasure.

5. An eating disorder is a disconnect from the body.

6. With an eating disorder, real fears that a person is unable to face are refocused onto fears regarding food, weight, and body image.

7. Unexpressed anger turns to revenge through an eating disorder.

8. We aren't born hating our bodies but most people (with and without an eating disorder) will spend the rest of our life making peace with our body.

9. Eating disorders are serious and potentially life-threatening. They do not go away in time or on their own. Eating disorders always require professional help.

10. Recovery is possible and happens within supportive, healing relationships.

Letting go

The process of letting go begins with naming what it is we need to let go of. So, let's write a letter together...

Dear _________, (this can be a person, a habit, an emotion, a regret, guilt, etc.)

I need to let go of you.

(From this sentence, fill the body of the letter in with anything you want. Make it as long or short as you want.)

Sincerely,

_____________

(Let me know how it goes!)