Breathe...

"You can't put no bandaid on this cancer
Like a twenty-dollar bill
For a topless dancer
You need questions
Forget about the answers
Do you really wanna die this way

That's the trouble with you and me
We always hit the bottom 'fore we get set free
I'm so far down
I'm beginning to breathe"

Lyrics from Over the Rhine Title song: Nobody Number One Album Title: Ohio

When I listen to the song above, I realize how very long I've been holding my breath. It takes my breath away but it's a relief to come up for air.

Art can have that affect on us - whether it's a painting, a movie, a book, or music. Art is meant to get our attention and connect us to our body and our heart. When we're disconnected from our heart and our body, allowing art to affect us can connect us to grief, anger, fear, or sadness that is within us. Often we're afraid to feel this but art gives us a safe outlet. If you're struggling to connect to some scary or confusing emotions inside of you, use art to help you connect and express yourself. Watch a movie, listen to music, go to a local art gallery. And then, create your own art - write a song or a poem or a letter, draw a picture, make a collage, redecorate a room in your house, sing in the shower, dance in your living room. And don't forget to breathe...

Happy Valentine's Day!

“The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return.”

(From The Moulin Rouge Movie)

Love is a good thing. We like love, we want love. We go to great lengths to get love. But the act of loving does not come naturally to us. For love, in it's truest form, requires vulnerability, authenticity, sacrifice and risk. Love requires exposure of truth and repentance of our heart. These are not easy things. It takes work and it's messy. Counterfeit love (infatuation, lust, addiction, instant connections) can seem so much more enticing and exciting. Counterfeit love offers us an escape from our lives. But if I'm honest, (and if I'm open to love) I really don't want someone to take me away from my life, with all it's challenges and pain and problems, I want someone to walk with me through it.
Relationships are a good thing. We need relationships. We need connection and touch, support and companionship. But do we really need a “Valentine's Day”? Do we really need a special day set aside each year for the sole purpose of celebrating love and expressing that love to one another? I do. Not only do I need Valentine's Day, I think Valentine's Day should be a bigger deal than it already is. Businesses and schools should close for the day. After all, celebrating love and relationship should be a worthy enough cause to have the day off to spend with family, friends, and your significant other. We could name it the “14th of February” and have fireworks; Cupid could dress up with his bow and arrow and deliver flowers and cards and chocolates. Children could have a Valentine chocolate hunt in their backyard. Family could gather around the dining room table for a feast of a Valentine dinner. Carolers could sing their favorite love songs around the neighborhoods. Which songs would you request?
Holidays are a good thing. They remind us of what's important. And what's more important than love? (I'm not talking exclusively about romantic love – Valentine's Day is an important day to express our love and appreciation to all of our friends and family.) Yes, it's relationally important what we do on February 13th and 15th and all those other regular days of the year (minus your birthday and anniversary). But we need Valentine's Day because truth be told, we aren't any good at love. We need a day set aside to remind us not to take our loved ones for granted, to invest in the work relationships take, and to take the time to celebrate our relationships with friends, family members, and our significant other. Relationships can be great teachers of love. Are we open to becoming a better lover? Not technique-wise or learning the latest seven steps but living and loving from our heart, more freely and more honestly, with the people in our lives.

There's no fear in love

We need love. So why do we push it away? Yes, we fear loss. We fear rejection. But could it be that we fear intimacy more? Why else do we give our heart and body away to fools? Why else do we pursue relationships we know will lead to rejection, disappointment and harm? Why else do we push away and sabotage those relationships with great potential for true intimacy?

What is intimacy? (In-to-me-see). I will let you see and know who I truly am. This requires me to explore and discover this for myself first. I will not go to you to tell me who I am. Intimacy takes time. We so often replace intensity with intimacy. Intimacy requires risk and authenticity; honesty and vulnerability. It's not a band-aid for the cancer inside of us; It's not escapism; it's not a quick fix for loneliness. It's not a fill up when we're on empty. Those are counterfeits and we so easily get distracted and caught up in them.

It's safer to believe that what we really fear is rejection. Yes, there is risk of rejection and this is painful. But we've come to expect rejection; we guard ourselves and brace for it. And we dare not hope for the real thing. We're more unsettled when people move towards us and love us well. We struggle to receive freely. We'd rather deprive ourselves than let another stir us in such a way that we long for more.

We are complex when it comes to matters of the heart. We've become most afraid of intimacy and convince ourselves that counterfeits are not only enough but better. When we settle for counterfeits, we operate from a place of fear. Don't let fear rule you. There's no fear in love.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM SACRED SPACE COUNSELING! HAVE A SAFE & HEALTHY HOLIDAY!

The stories of our life

"It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really matter, full of darkness & danger they were. Sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was, when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it'll shine out the clearer. Those are the stories that stayed with you. They meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I now know, folks in those stories had lots of chances to turn back, but they didn't. They kept going because they were holding onto something."

"What are we holding onto, Sam?"

"There's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it's worth fighting for."

Lord of the Ring, The Two Towers. Conversation between Samwise & Frodo

What if we were to view our life as a storybook - with a beginning, middle & end. With characters & plots & settings; conflict & loss & drama; humor & adventure & meaning. We don't know how our story will end. We can't always make sense of the storyline, of the characters in & out of our life. But there are themes if we study our story.

When we're in darkness. When we're exhausted from a battle of depression or fear. When we've been pierced by a sword of loss or shame and we feel like we can't go on, there is hope. This too shall pass. You can turn a new page. You can begin a new chapter.

There are things in this world that are worth fighting for. Things that require courage & strength, wisdom & grace, faithfulness & love. What are the things in your life worth fighting for? Look at the stories of your life. What are the things that touch you, anger you, humble you? What are the things you're most passionate about? What do you value?

Stuck? Can't think of anything? Sounds like the stories of your life have succeeded in numbing & deadening your heart? Then it's your heart - the very "aliveness" of your heart that you need to fight for. Your heart, your life is good! Even if you're under a great shadow & can't see it right now. It is worth fighting for. And you are not alone. When you can no longer fight, you will look back & see that you are being carried. You will see those times the battle is being fought for you and you will find a season of rest & healing & nourishment. For your story is not over. You are needed. There are still things worth fighting for.

Winter Therapy Groups & Classes

Sacred Space Counseling of Grand Haven, Michigan is offering the following therapy groups:

Women's Love Addiction Therapy Group - Do you find yourself continually looking for love in all the wrong places? Do you go from relationship to relationship? Are you unhappy in a relationship yet unable to end it? If you can relate to any of these statements, find freedom, hope and support in this therapy group. (This is not a 12-step group).

Teen Grief Group - Supportive, healing space for teens to grieve the death of a loved one through art, music & sharing your story.

Eating Disorder Therapy Group - Your recovery is your own, but you can't do it alone. Explore with others struggling with an eating disorder, the underlying issues that may be contributing to your eating disorder and hindering your recovery. (This is not a 12-step group).

For more information about any of these groups, contact Jenna Deckert, 616-405-4733 or jenna@sacredspacecounseling.com

Love & Logic Parenting Class - 7 week course entitled "Becoming a Love and Logic Parent." This course is designed for the parents of children of any age or for parents-to-be. The course covers topics involving parenting styles and techniques to make parent's lives easier and more fulfilling with their children. The $10 cost is for materials and the rest of the cost is subsidized through Tri-Cities Ministries and the Greater Ottawa County United Way. For more information or to sign up, contact Rob Deckert, 616-405-4188 or rob@sacredspacecounseling.com

Rob & Jenna are also available for individual, couples or family counseling. For more information, check out our website www.sacredspacecounseling.com or contact us individually:

Rob Deckert: 616-405-4188 rob@sacredspacecounseling.com
Jenna Deckert: 616-405-4733 jenna@sacredspacecounseling.com

Truth Poem

Truth sits like a rock at the pit of my stomach. Like a caged bird I want to set it free, set me free. But shame, fear and guilt keep me from sticking my fingers down my throat and inducing truth-telling. I know it's these secrets that feed off my shame, fear and guilt. I'm so hungry for the nourishment of healing and intimacy, yet gorge on junk food.

I want to wrestle through this to the other side. I don't want to stay stuck in this mud of shame, fear and guilt. I'm afraid, if I talk about it, people will throw mud in my face and then I will sink even deeper in this quicksand of silence. I want to jump off the high-dive & swim naked in the clear, clean, cool water of truth. But I can't swim. And I will not jump unless you push me.